Miscalculation

So the vodka bottle is empty, and I feel dirty - not that I touched anyone. Still, I touched all the dollar bills that I used to pay the bartender. And who knows where they've been. Under a male stripper's g-string, rubbing on his pieces and parts as he prays he doesn't get a papercut? Or rolled up on a business executive's mirror, used as a vessel to transport cocaine up his booger-encrusted nostrils? Perhaps transported from the hands of a man who's just dropped a "number 2" and forgot to wash his hands as a tip to the bathroom attendant who has sprayed him down with designer cologne? I usually carry hand sanitizer in my pocket for just such an occasion but, alas, I left the sanitizer on the counter and acidentally grabbed the calculator instead. I usually use it to compare prices at the grocery store. I'm a bargain shopper. Now I'm left with contaminated hands and a calculator who's screen reads 6-0-0-6-5. I like to type in that number. It spells out "boobs."